The Wrong Door
by Benevolent Darkness
Summary: Harry went through the wrong door after he died... now it's up to him and his allies to bring chaos to this world of gaming and absurdity as they go through Hogwarts. Let the games begin, because the world won't wait on you. -This is somewhere between a crack-fic and an action/humor. Based off of Borderlands, only it's Harry Potter. Features an awesome Harry/ Super!Harry.


This is what you need to know before you start. 'A' is jump. 'B' is punch. 'X' is duck. 'Y' is reload. 'C-stick' is move. 'Z' is speed up.

**This is videogame language.**

"This is speaking."

_'And, the thoughts go like this..._'

It'll make more sense later when you actually read, but give it a go. It's easy to pick up.

WARNING: this is a mixture of crack, awesomeness, and action. Read at your own risk. I also don't own Harry Potter, Borderlands, Naruto, Bleach, Dragon Quest, Pokemon, Harry Potter, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Toast (thought I do eat it), And just about anything else you see alluding to anybody else's works of art.

* * *

He was dead. Gone. Kaput. Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead. Nothing but blacks and more blacks; the color of the inside of his eyelids. And you know what? He hated it.

Everybody died early and painfully. He died early and painfully. Just about everything was early and painful about his experience in life. Especially the toast. That was the worst it got.

Just as Harry- yes, THE Harry- no, not that one, I'm talking about THE Harry James "I'm a badass" Potter. The one who vanquished the same dark lord umpteen times, survived a maniacal white-bearded egotistical bastard, commonly referred to as "Headbastard," but not selectively. He had even survived Gingers, those little soul sucking rats. Yes, Harry had survived just about everything.

…Except toast. It was always the toast.

And now, because of his toasty stupidity, Harry Potter was sitting here in pitch darkness. Dead. And waiting. Waiting for the world to change. Because, let's face it: sitting in the dark doing nothing was quite boring.

Quite suddenly, two things actually did appear. Two old, rotted out doors. The brown wood looked ready to give out to age and decay. Over each door, though, were words. On the right door, in blue, read "The Afterlife." On the left door, words spelled out "Do Not Enter Under Any Circumstances."

Harry shrugged, pulled out a coin, and flipped it into the air. 'Heads, I go left. Tails, I go right.' That thought ended, the coin plummeted down to his hand. Harry reached out to catch it, but it slipped between his fingers.

Desperately trying to grab it, Harry snatched his hand forwards, off balancing himself. He stumbled through the door on the left. The old wood gave way, crumbling as he fell through. On the bright side, though, Harry caught the coin. Harry looked down at the pretty pound.

'Tails…'

But, the door was already gone. In its place was the beautiful landscape of the castle Hogwarts, overshadowed by floating words. Each word surrounded him, made out of white, blocky scripture. They read **'New Game, Load File, Progress agenda, Extras, Downloadable Content, **and **Credits.**

Harry stared at each for what could only be hours. At first, he was simply confused, then perplexed, then just felt inept. He couldn't understand what was happening beyond the thought that he was trapped in some sort of cruel adaptation of his own life. The nature of the entire conundrum was horrifyingly and inexplicably awe inspiring. Not in the good way.

With nothing else to do, and a curious streak poking through in his personality, he approached the 'credits' block and touched it. As soon as he did, the world faded to black, and there, in front of him, was a mountain of words in boring white lettering- all except for one.

There, in the front, in an enormous font and multi-colored intricate scripture, stood '**Executive Producer: Benevolent Darkness.**' Behind all of that, several other words came up, such as **J.K. Rowlings** and the such.

Turning around, Harry made a silent vow to kill these people if he ever met them. With that, he left with a maniacal gleam in his eye, touching the **Back** option and finding himself back in the Hogwarts field.

His next stop was the **Downloadable content** 'folder.' He decided to call all of those options folders from then on. It would make it easier. He approached the folder, not knowing what would come from it, for he had never heard of such a thing. But, just as he was about to touch it, he found himself unable to move. A text box appeared (at least he thought that's what they called those boxes) right in front of his face. **'This option is unavailable at the current time. Check back later! May Merlin shower you in his beard!'**

Harry shuddered at the thought. Growing bored of all of this pointlessness, he turned towards the **Load File **folder and tried moving forwards for that, but another text box showed up stating **'No files exist' **or something or other.

With three options left, and Harry getting annoyed with the lack of progress in this new adventure, Harry rushed towards the **New Game** folder with gusto, thinking that running at it with a cold fury might get him better results. 3. He sped up as fast as his legs would take him, which, admittedly, wasn't really all that fast. 2. The type was closing in. Faster… faster… 1. BAM!

The lettering clotheslined Harry.

Harry, in a daze, stood up slowly, rubbing his head. His hair was messed up more than usual, making several parts spike up to the left side, and a purple bruise developed quickly on his chin, which took the brunt of the hit.

Just when Harry thought he was in the clear, **Easy, Medium, **and** Hard** came up, **Hard** hitting him like a sack full of bricks. It took several more minutes to get up this time, where he was promptly nailed by a bar variable, the words **SFX Volume** above it. The meter was thrown to the top, while Harry was launched out of the way. This time Harry didn't dare get up for fear of what could happen next.

…Only for **Yes** to fall on top of his finger.

"HOLY SHIT!"

…And it hurt.

Then, everything once again turned black, and Harry found the entire scene constructing itself before his eyes.

It showed him in third person as a baby, being cared for by his parents. It showed Voldemort come in. Them, there was the dialogue.

"**I HAVE COME FOR THE CHILD!**"

Harry thought his eardrums would break. The speech seemed to only get louder. Harry wanted to kill Voldemort for his goddamn monologues and their painful volume. It was beginning to reach its peak. Harry saw his family holding their ears in pain. Some blood trickled down from his own ears- the baby him, that is. Harry had finally had enough.

"I QUIT!" he screamed above the noise.

Like magic, everything stopped and went back to the title screen. The image of Hogwarts stood serenely in the background, imperiously. Harry could suddenly hear again, and fell to the ground in relief. No more evil dark lords with horrifyingly loud voices! No more bleeding ears! All was right once more!

Except the fact that he had to go to the **New game **menu and do that again. Maybe he would turn the sound settings on this thing to a manageable place?

Approaching the folder, this time with extreme caution and prejudice, Harry reached forward with a shaky hand. One finger pointed towards the option. A bead of sweat dropped from Harry's nose. Then, it touched.

Harry jumped back as the words disappeared, replaced by the **Easy, Medium** and **Hard** options. This time, Harry, with more confidence, tapped the **Easy** option and watched with curiosity as it was replaced by the volume option, which he decided was just fine on normal levels. A confirmation screen fell out of the sky, With a **Yes **or **No** option. Harry chose yes.

The same scene materialized before him in third person. Voldemort was yelling his monologue at a normal volume. Nobody was forced to hold their ears in pain. Harry's ears didn't bleed. Everything was… quiet. Everything could be heard, yet it had such a difference in quality and rationality than before. Harry briefly wondered why the characters in the 'game' were affected so much by the noise, too.

Then, the entire thing began to become boring and monotonous. All he was doing was watching a sped up version of his life after the Voldemort dialogue. He witnessed Hagrid bringing him to the Dursleys. He saw himself living a horrible life. Hell, he watched as that stupid dumpster almost crushed his body before he mysteriously appeared several feet to the side.

It took about thirty minutes of this before Harry spoke up. "Can we skip this? I already know this stuff."

A little icon flashed before his eyes as the scene kept playing. **Say any word to skip**. Harry sighed and smiled lightly.

"Skip."

The scene faded out and Harry woke up, startled, in his bed at the Dursleys. Everything seemed normal. Every article was where he left it when he was 11. Every speck of dust was immaculately unchanged. The same "BOY!" was heard when the clock struck 8 in the morning. It was as if Hogwarts had never happened. It was as if he had dreamt the entire thing.

"Boy! Get down here!" The voice repeated.

Harry sighed. He was hoping it wasn't a dream, but from the looks of it, that was a fool's dream. Magic? Yeah right. It was stupid to even imagine it existed.

He stood up out of the bed he was so generously given, moving towards the door to open it up. He remembered the previous day, when he didn't hurry up Vernon smacked him hard enough to bruise. He didn't want that again.

It was a short trek to the door, Harry fumbling around in the dark of the cupboard under the stairs of his house, Privet Drive house number four. He felt his obsidian hair waving messily about as he moved. His green eyes barely pierced through the darkness enough to find the knob.

Harry gripped the knob and turned. It only turned a centimeter before it held tight. Harry tried again, this time with more strength. Still locked. Harry bent down to examine the knob to see why it wouldn't open. Engraved on the handle, there was a number. It glowed a faint gold as he got nearer. The number was a two.

Suddenly, the world stopped moving. No sounds broke through the stillness. Text floated next to the handle. It read explicitly **'This is an indicator lock. You may not advance through this door until you have met the requirements.**

**'Requirements: Gold lettering is level value. Green lettering is time value. Blue lettering is cinematic value. Red lettering is requirement value. There are many different indicator locks. Find them all.'**

Harry stared. And stared. And stared some more. This meant that it all happened. This meant that he was still in some god-forsaken game of his life! Maybe this game should be called Life… or Harry Potter.

The door obviously wasn't going to open until he somehow leveled up. Next question was to figure out how to level up…

With a glance around the room, Harry searched for anything suspicious or different. It took him several glances to finally notice a book lying on the small table he had stationed in this small space. Harry moved the two feet over to it and looked at it closely. A small blue ring of light surged up from it.

A text box appeared. **'This is a save point. You will find many of these throughout your adventure. When you access them…' **The book glowed brighter for a moment before a menu dropped down, a lot like the 'title screen.' This had several options on it. **Save** was the most prominent. Then came **Account options, Downloadable Content, Vault inventory, **and **Open Save File.**

The text continued. **'…you will get a drop down menu. From it, you can save your progress, which will let you come back to this point in time whenever you need to or when you die; View your account options, which lets you edit your vault accounts when you unlock them; Download downloadable content, which lets you import various content with 'Badass points;' View and access your vault inventory, which lets you store and retrieve items you store away; and lastly, load a previous save file.'**

Harry finished reading. He waited for a moment, and then another text, this one short, popped up. '**Downloadable content now available.'**

It seemed simple enough, so Harry saved before going for the **downloadable content**. He opened the menu and saw an icon that said he had zero badass points, but decided to browse anyway.

The content was separated into subcategories of **Weapons, Armor, Potions, Misc. Items, Upgrades, Magic, Skills, Characters, **and **Stats.** Harry went into the magic immediately to check what that had, just for reference. He walked up and poked the word, allowing the usual to show up. A long list of more subcategories appeared. Some items were bigger than others, probably either denoting more magic or more power, whatever it was. Some of the biggest to show up were **'Naruto,' 'Bleach,' 'Final Fantasy 1' **through **'Final Fantasy 13-2,' **and then, there was his **'Harry Potter.'** But, at this point, Harry was no longer interested in whatever was under his name.

Harry began leafing through each of the big categories, discovering that each used a different kind of energy. Each energy was the first thing on the list. Harry would have to get some badass points to try some of those things out.

With nothing else really interesting him, Harry exited the save menu and saw a white 24 appear above the book. Then, out of nowhere, a '**Level up'** icon appeared in the corner of Harry's vision with a '**plus 1 skill point**.'

"**Health + 13**

**"Mana + 22**

**"Strength + 1**

**"Agility + 3**

**"Power + 2**

**"Defence + 1**

**"Shield + 2**

**"Speed + 3**

**"Intelligence + 4**

**"Luck + 5"**

Harry shook his head and thought _I'll deal with it later._ He reached for the door and it opened when he turned the knob. Vernon was standing there with a furious expression on his face.

"Boy! What took you so long! You missed breakfast. Now, get down here!"

Vernon grabbed Harry's hand and dragged the boy down towards the kitchen with gusto. Petunia was standing in the kitchen with a smile, watching Dudley open presents. The one he was currently working on had frilly blue ribbons around a green box. It was very slightly ugly, like barf, but Harry decided not to say anything.

Sitting down, Harry looked up towards the overweight man. Vernon loomed over him, a superior smirk on his face. Harry wanted to just punch it, as hard as he could. He refrained, only slightly. He had to learn more about his situation, first.

"We're going to the zoo today for Dudley's birthday. I would have just sent you to Arabella, that crazy cat woman, but she came down with something recently. I'd leave you here, but you'd burn the house down. We're forced to bring you with us, so you know what I expect. Understand?"

The nod Harry gave was enough for the great man. It took moments for the door to open for Dudley's friends. The time ticked away before they were at the zoo. Then, when they entered, hell broke loose.

It started with an alarm. A voice came over the loudspeakers. "Attention! Attention! The animals are loose! We would like to ask everybody to please leave in an orderly fashion. I repeat: The animals are loose! We would like to ask everybody to please leave in an orderly fashion."

That was unexpected. That did not happen last time, Harry was sure of it. Neither was there a militia of armed men last time, wearing black facemasks and brown outfits blocking the front gate, which had mysteriously closed in the meantime. Then, they started to ask for money! It was all too much and, with a flourish, Harry hit his head in annoyance.

Without anything really to do, and not really caring about anything at this point, Harry snuck away from the crowd into a shaded alley between cages, and stood there for a moment. There was some gunfire in the background, probably guards trying to do their duty to protect innocent bystanders. Probably failing, too.

Just when Harry was beginning to think falling asleep wouldn't be a bad idea, he was assaulted by a tiger. A very large one, at that. It came out of nowhere, barreling into his side. In a last ditch effort, Harry rolled to the side before it could pin him down. Its head whipped towards him and it began to stalk a semicircle around him.

Taking a gamble, Harry jumped forward and punched the thing as hard as he could. A small red number popped up next to the beast, a small **'15**.**'**

The thing swiped at him, making a scratch along his arm. Red numbers cut along his vision, a red **'45'** assaulting him in his periphery. Then, a box opened in his vision with words that said **"Every time you take damage, your health will be reduced. If your health reaches zero, you will die and start back at your last save point. Be careful of status ailments and damaged limbs, though! To recover your health, simply approach a glowing white bed."**

_'And how do I see how much health I have?'_ Harry thought with a sense of impending annoyance. Damn, videogames could be so freaking annoying!

A red bar appeared in the bottom corner of his periphery, right underneath the skill point icon. It was one third empty, and the number **'88'** was shown overtop of it. Harry assumed that was how much health he had. He also noticed a blue bar on the right side, the number **'22'** on it. It was probably his magic. If only he could do magic!

Well, maybe he could. He had mana, all he had to do was do the spell. Harry thought of doing an exploding spell, Ekregei Explodere. Suddenly, he couldn't remember the gestures or the incantation! And he just knew the incantation because he thought of the spell! It really didn't make much sense, really. But, at least Harry knew that he wouldn't be able to do spells.

The tiger jumped at him again. Harry managed to get away from the brunt, but the thing cut his finger for 2 points of damage. After getting into a good position, Harry nailed out two powerful punches to the tiger's head, dealing a **Critical** 34 and 35 points of damage, respectively. The tiger wobbled a bit, but stood its ground. It rushed again, but Harry nailed it in the face with a kick, dealing 48 points of damage. The tiger was panting at this point, some blood running down its head.

Just when Harry though it was going to attack again, it sat down and bowed its head to him. Harry was confused for all of two seconds, which was when a text box showed up stating **"First ally gained. +20 badass points. +30 experience.**" A small diagram in the upper part of his periphery showed the experience reducing a larger number. He assumed the remaining **65** was how much more experience until his next level up. That would only make him stronger.

"**Allies are characters who fight for you when you need them. They'll also supply you with information that you will otherwise be unable to obtain. The higher the happiness stat, the more your allies will listen to you and respect you. If you get it high enough, they may even worship you as a god! The average for this stat is 100. If it goes below 50, the ally will begin to ignore you.**

**"There are two ways to gain allies. One is to convince them with a greater personality stat, or to deal a non lethal defeat to them and gain their respect. You can summon allies anytime you need through the allies menu and command them to fight for you.**

**To open the allies menu, first open the pause menu."**

Harry stood still for a moment, processing the information. _'And here I thought I was getting the hand of this. How do I open the pause menu?'_

Another text box appeared. **"To open the pause menu, press the start button."**

"Well, that sure does a hell of a lot. Just open the pause menu, dammit!"

The world stopped, the shooting stopped, and just about everything else stopped, too. Around him, many more options appeared, all in large, white blocky letters. "Not this again…" Harry mumbled.

Around him, stood many new options. **'Items, Magic, Journal, Options, Map, Fast travel, **and **Allies and Characters."** Harry, not wanting to waste any more time, ran up to the **Allies and Characters** dropdown and checked the tiger.

**Level 3**

**Happiness: 100**

**Health: 3/132**

**Strength: 32**

**Speed: 31**

Etc. The stats went down and down and down. There were just so many variables that needed to be taken into account. The important part, though, was that its strength and speed and defense were phenomenal, while its 'power' and 'shield' were horrid. When Harry checked the nice little definitions of those stats, they apparently had to do with magic. Power was magical power, while shield was magical defense. Agility was reaction time, while speed was running speed.

Harry equipped the tiger as a reserve ally, so it didn't have to die. Dying would be bad. Afterwards, he exited the menu and saw that the tiger had disappeared. But, there was a security guard who had apparently heard the noise approaching.

The man walked into view, gun pointed straight ahead and then at Harry. Harry checked the journal for his stats before exiting the pause menu, finding his personality to have a status of **21**, except when in the presence of adults, where it would dip to **13** because of his age. He would have to work around that.

In other words, he had no chance of convincing this man to join him as an ally. Instead, Harry decided on beating the crap out of the man and taking the gun.

It worked better than he imagined. All it took was convincing the man that he was a helpless child, and then scoring three criticals on the man's head. It was surprising how little health the man had, along with defense. But, Harry didn't complain. Instead, he grabbed the handgun.

**"Weapon obtained. First weapon acquired, +10 badass points. +10 experience."** The experience counter dropped to 55. **"To equip weapons, go to the pause menu and select items, select weapons, and select equip."**

Harry did just that, and found a selection of all items he was carrying that wasn't 'equipped' already. That was, **'Zoo pass, Pencil, rusty 'Spass' 9mm Semi-auto pistol, **and **splintered wooden police baton."** Harry equipped the gun as his right hand weapon and the police baton as his primary left hand weapon and secondary right hand weapon. The handgun gave a **+24 guns, **making an overall **33 **gun stat. The baton added **11 **to strength, creating a **22** strength stat. As soon as he left, Harry found the gun materialized in a holster on his belt, the police baton simply strung through the belt, itself. Harry smiled a frightening smile.

There was commotion all around, so Harry was able to sneak around without much trouble. He moved around stealthily, which was hard; his stealth and perception stat was at **8**, but hopefully he could bring that up.

The crowds were beneficial to his cause. Harry pushed his way through the crowds, and ducked into the reptile house for cover. There wasn't any noise coming from the place, so Harry assumed it was abandoned. He was wrong.

As soon as he looked in, Harry ducked behind a wall to avoid being seen by the two armed mercenaries. He looked around the corner, as quietly as he could, and pulled his hand gun out of the holster. Harry took a deep breath and took aim, trying to make it a headshot, because headshots seemed to do the most damage. Smoothly pulling his finger back, Harry fired the bullet into the man's head.

As fast as he could, not even looking to see if the bullet did its job, Harry fired upon the second man, hoping for the best. When he looked at the results, there was one man, the first one, lying dead on the ground worth 21 experience, and the second man holding his chest with a red 52 next to him.

The still-living man grabbed his assault rifle and fired upon Harry. Harry jumped out of the way as fast as he could. He was about to return fire when there were several shots fired by a semi-auto. There was a short gasp before everything was silent except for footsteps. Harry finally decided to peak out.

Standing just around the corner was a guard, not unlike the one Harry knocked out painfully. This one, though, seemed to be more trained, and overall, stronger. His face was set in a stony expression, but when the man saw Harry holding the gun, it turned to one of slight shock at the realization that Harry was the one to kill the mercenary.

"What's your name?" he asked to Harry.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Harry sarcastically mumbled back.

The guard narrowed his eyes. "You should show respect to officers, boy. Especially when there's an emergency."

"Really? I never knew. I apologize, sir Holier than Thou. Maybe if we…" Harry suddenly pointed the gun and shot three bullets, and watched as another man fell to the ground behind the guard. **"Level up, two skill points available."**

Harry smirked slightly, but turned to the officer who was spinning around quickly. It was the perfect chance for Harry to knock the guy out, and used that chance, thoroughly satisfied.

**"All's Fair in Love and War: completed. 10 badass points."**

It was starting to nag at Harry. How do you gain badass points? Maybe he could find it in the pause menu or something. Harry went to check it out.

And, indeed, when Harry searched the journal, one page over from his own stats were the badass challenges. There were so many! Harry looked at the area specific challenges, finding the 'Townshed Zoo' challenges.

**1: Backstab an officer. Lvl 2; 2/5; 25 badass rank**

**2: Kill a character by kicking them in the balls. Lvl 1; 0/2; 10 badass rank**

**3: Walk away epically from an explosion. Lvl 1; 0/1; 25 badass rank**

**…**

**398: Blow up the central control room. Lvl 1; 0/1; 100 badass rank**

'…_That's a lot of challenges…_' Harry thought to himself. If he did all of those, he'd have so many points..! He started to laugh evilly. Yes… these people were fucked.

* * *

If one looked closely, they would see a black haired boy with green eyes holding a snake with an oddly human sized figure inside of it. **20 badass rank.**

* * *

The mercenaries looked up in surprise when the guardhouse suddenly blew up, One unfortunate officer was close enough to see an epic silhouette walking away from the explosion before being shot in the eye. **25 badass rank.**

* * *

The last thought of the mercenary sub-commander before his ass blew up from three ounces of C-4 was 'Why the hell did-"

BOOM!

A boy walked away with a content smile on his face before getting hit in the face by spit. A disemboweled llama was found by a mercenary shift not five minutes later. Their last thoughts were along the same lines of the mercenary sub-commander.

**10 badass points. 30 badass points. Level up, level 7. 6 skill points available. Spell learned: Titilleum.**

* * *

The hostage could only watch in horror as the bastard was cut up like a pig… with a penny and three origami swans. The bastard died seven minutes later after choking on his own blood. The hostage closed her eyes, not wanting to see anymore. When she opened them seventy minutes later, the bastard, and his weapons and armor, were gone.

"Whoever you are, thank you."

**25 badass points.**

* * *

Harry laughed as he moved around the bullets as fast as he could while balancing on the line holding several posters up. Many of the people below were screaming in despair for the kid that would surely be killed. But, somehow, just as the boy was halfway across, it rained dead birds from the sky, pelting all of the bandits and knocking all but one unconscious. That one ran away as fast as he possibly could.

The people on the ground picked up the mercenaries' guns and began to shoot the guns' owners to death.

**46 allies gained. 30 badass points. 50 badass points. 46 allies have the following ability: Mob.**

**"Abilities are certain skills that you, or your allies have. They can do any manner of things, from increasing power, to poisoning things from touch. Mob lets a single person attract more people from all around to start a bloody riot. It can also act as a distraction for others."**

"I love my luck…"

Harry finished his way across the wire. **20 badass rank.**

"Hehehehe… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

* * *

Harry finally found a place to lie down. It was in one of the still standing guard houses, but all of the guards were killed by mercs already. Quickly blockading the entire place, and reinforcing the barriers with a quick 'Obicutum' charm, which he suddenly knew how to do at level 6, Harry jumped onto a sofa and sat down to do inventory. First, he went through apparel.

**'Fine threaded merc outfit,'** from the merc sub-commander. The rest he didn't really need, so he got rid of all of the other merc outfits. **'Red bloodstained battlement gear'** was another that he kept, because it raised his defense stat a pretty good amount. **'Black 'lipsum' suit, White collared shirt, **and **Black dress shoes'** were three other things he decided would be handy to have. He quickly swapped the battlement gear with his '**Ratty hand-me-downs**,' wanting the **+12** defense value.

Next, he looked at his weaponry. Quickly getting rid of the weak and useless guns, Harry looked through the worthwhile artillery. **'Black Spiked Lady's Kiss,'** a nice shotgun with a badass magazine of 100, **'10mm Striker**,**'** which was a shiny, nice pistol (which he found a lot of ammo for), **'M-22-17 Rifle of Disciplined Chaos**,' which was probably the best of them all, because it made anybody hit with its bullets turn on their allies. The last was the metric ton of '**C-**4' he had stored handy, which he found… somewhere. He sorted those guns so he could equip any of them easily.

Under items, there were three health potions, which he administered one to revitalize himself. There was also one stamina potion, but he found that he didn't need that.

Key items was pointless, so that was skipped. The only thing there was the zoo pass.

Misc items had a gameboy color which he picked up off of the ground. There were a couple games, so Harry took that out and turned it on. For the next hour, Harry wasted his time losing terribly at 'Legend of Zelda.' In the end, he threw the thing at the ground and walked to the black book with a blue ring and saved.

Then, he saw the downloadable content page.

He was like a child high on acid.

It might as well have been the end of the world.

Harry woke up the next morning, ready to go blow more stuff up, specifically the central control room. With a quick stop at the game saving book, he charged right through the barricades he set up and into a quiet clearing between the mammal exhibition and several different types of gerbil cages.

It was only a short trot to the administration building. Harry passed by only one mercenary on the way, but a very fast "crack" spell froze and shattered the guy fast enough. Harry's mana reserves dropped from 87 to 83.

The entrance of the intricate building was small and blended in with the rocks around it. Harry passed through the door and hid behind the wall by the cafeteria full of mercenaries. He watched them eat with disinterest while he made a plan. He would have wondered why he, himself, wasn't hungry, but he already learned that to him, food only regenerated his health.

It took him a while to finally plan out all of the details of the assault, but when he was ready, he was ready.

Taking out his rifle of 'Disciplined Chaos' and fired short bursts into the room. Then he waited, and waited, and finally… waited. Harry peaked in and looked around, wondering why nobody was killing each other. Then, when he finally saw inside, he hit his head onto the wall.

…Everybody was dead.

Why, oh why, does everybody have to be so weak, sometimes? Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to choose **Easy** at the starting screen. He leveled up too fast, and all of the enemies were so weak! The majority of the room were between levels 3 and 5, and he was at level 9. But, he had to admit, being in control was awesome. Plus, with all of the badass points he spent on increasing his strength, gun, and defense stats, he could beat up anything without magic. He didn't bother with spending points on magic power, though, but he specialized in speed, so he could move very, very fast compared to everybody else.

Harry walked through the cafeteria, checking the weapons and clothing of the dead inside. After finding nothing useful, he kept going to the top of the building, killing anything in his way. He made it to the top, set the explosives, then walked back down. Apparently, he wasn't fast enough, because he was caught in the explosion.

"Gah!" he jumped up. He was back in front of the book he last saved at. He looked around. Everything was still the same. Harry frowned at his death, even though he was happy that he only came back to his last save.

This time, Harry walked outside and simply walked past the mercenary. The mercenary took a shot at Harry's head, the bullet impacting with it. It did 4 damage. Harry looked back to see the mercenary staring at him in shock, and once again, Harry had to think. _Do these people even know that they're in a game? It's like their physics don't apply to mine._ It was too complicated to think about.

Harry made his way to the top floor, and into the control room. He set the bomb, once again, and this time decided on jumping out of the window instead of going all the way down. But first, he wanted to see what could have made the bomb go off so soon.

So, he waited. It took only three minutes for a merc to run in, firing his gun wildly. It just so happened to be the merc commander, too. Harry smirked, gave the man the finger, and flipped out of the window. A second later, the building blew up, throwing Harry all the way across the zoo. Somehow, Harry just managed to land on an outward turned spike, ending his life, once again.

"Ek! Dammit!" Harry screamed. He stood up and ran to the tower once again, just to kill the bloody bastard who dared to kill him TWICE! Harry charged the tower, taking no hostages in his deadly assault. He even called his tiger friend, two deadly snakes, 63 armed people, 8 trained police officers, 13 guards, and a newt to aid in the charge.

There wasn't enough mercenary left to feed a worm.

Then, when he got to the control room, Harry and his army waited. They waited for the commander to come in. And, just as expected, the mercenary commander ran in, firing his gun randomly. Everybody opened fire on him at the same time. One person, who didn't have a gun, ran forward and stabbed the man with a pitchfork eighteen times. Then, it was over.

Harry set up the explosives, set them to a remote detonator instead of a timed one, unequipped his allies, and ran away. When he was on the complete opposite side of the zoo, he activated the C-4. It looked like the American Fourth of July. Everybody was cheering and screaming in joy as every merc there was turned and ran away. It was a day to remember.

But, Harry couldn't celebrate because he was too busy reading a text box. **"You have just gained influence. Influence changes every time you do something for other people. By doing something good, your influence can either spread, or gain power. With a greater influence, it is easier to gain allies and information.**

**"Losing influence happens when you do something against people. This will make people hate you or even outright attack you on sight. Be careful.**

**"With enough influence, people will attack and protect you from any threats inside that area of influence. Influence is a very powerful thing. To check influence, go to the pause menu and select map. From there, you will be able to see your influence, as well as other people's."**

Harry followed the instructions and opened the map. It showed a 3-D model of the earth with many different colors representing the different countries. Going off on a theory, he spoke "England." The map immediately zoomed there.

It only gave an area layout of everything. Harry decided to get more specific.

"England, My influence."

There, on the map, showed a small, yet thick, area around the zoo where he was. There was also a thinner, but still there influence around the entirety of England. There was a note for that one, stating that it only affected the magical population. It continued into Ireland.

Harry smiled, thinking of ways to increase his influence as much as he could. It would prove greatly beneficial.

Now, all he really had to do, was go back with the Dursleys and get his Hogwarts letter. It shouldn't be too long anymore. Then, he would see just how much trouble would find him there… and how many badass points he could snatch while he was at it.

Dumbledor suddenly felt like the apocalypse was knocking at the door. And, by golly, it certainly was.

**25 badass points for striking mortal fear into Dumbledor.**

* * *

_**AN: **_This story... is meant to be half crack, half awesomeness. If there're any videogame things you want me to include, like funny glitches and such, feel free to tell me. I already have an idea for one glitch involving Dumbledor and repeating actions. And, just to clear things up, nobody but Harry will be aware that everything is a game. Everybody else will hurt each other as if they're human and real, but when Harry gets involved, everything turns to game mechanics.

I hope you liked it and it makes sense. I really hope so. Please like it!

And review. I want to know what to do to make it more understandable for other people. The plot is for Harry to do everything he did last time, only better, and with more things happening. Such as the mercenary attack at the zoo! Then, there'll be new events, and different challenges, and AU everything. It'll be so, completely chock full of everything! I don't even know if I'll be able to do timeskips greater than five days without something new and outrageous happens.

ENJOY!

Benedark. **200,000 Badass points for anybody who reviews.**


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